I wrote down one thing I learned every day for 10 years. And I’m still writing…
“people are often not as big as you assume” and other lessons on leaving a job.
Joe Fox says it over and over again in You’ve Got Mail, “It isn’t personal, it’s business.” and that’s hard to understand in your twenties because so much of who you are is tied up in your work identity and that first job is the only work identity you’ve had so far. But it’s business and leaving a job is actually less daunting than we make it out to be in our twenties. So here are some lessons to keep in mind when you are leaving a job, from someone who has been there a time or two (or five).
Transformation Takes Time
For the remainder of your October, a few lessons on transition and transformation. Those leaves you’ve been admiring over the last few days, that have only suddenly evolved and caught your eye, those trees had it in them all year long. And you do too! Transformation takes time.
Imagine Yourself One Day From Now
Here’s something I learned on a trip a couple of years ago, when you are in the moment of panic, try to imagine how you might feel one day from now. Or if that’s too ambitious, maybe even a few hours from where you are. Picture yourself on the other side of the activity, the other side of the attack.
Never Stop Learning
You might not be taking a “First Day” photo again anytime soon, at least not sincerely, but that doesn’t mean the firsts have stopped and don’t let the learning stop either. You can just let things happen to you or you can make your days more productive and more useful by looking for the lesson.
Here are a handful of my favorite lessons from my very first journal and the beginning of my journaling practice. My first season of adult “firsts” if you will.
If You want more mail, send more mail
One day I realized that if I want to receive more mail, I should send more mail. In addition to birthday cards I always send, I now send notes for no reason too, and I am always excited to see a response. This taught me to put more of what I want out of the world, into the world. And it goes for more than just mail. If you want more compassion and grace, send more compassion and grace. If you want more love, send more love, and on and on it goes.
You can see Flurries and Petals at the same time
It’s that time of year… when you aren’t sure if the white specks blowing past you in the cold wind are snow flurries or petals from blossoms that bloomed too soon. An appreciation for this month or this season is really an appreciation for transition. In time, we’ll be certain they are petals and not snowflakes, but until then, they can be whichever one we need them to be right now.
Don’t Go Looking for Love, Go Looking for Things You Love To Do
Whether you are just married or don’t ever plan to be, or you are tired of swiping left and looking for a partner left and right, the “Love” chapter of Don’t Wear Shoes You Can’t Walk In highlights that at all stages, action—chasing, changing, losing, pursuing, and choosing—is necessary for love. So let your first action be that you are getting busy doing something you love to do.
Things aren’t the same because you aren’t the same
Every next stage of our lives requires us to grow and bring an advanced, different version of ourselves to the table. If things aren’t coming to use as easily as they used to, take a moment to look inward instead of just outward. It’s possible things aren’t the same, because you aren’t the same either.
Go To The Sunny Side
There’s a time of year where without even noticing it, we suddenly switch from seeking shade to seeking sun. Our respite now found in warmth instead of cool. Going to the sunny side is a choice we make. And it’s a choice we can make in our minds too.
It can take years to bear fruit.
We are a generation that expects immediate results, thanks to one-day shipping, rapid results, online results and the advancement and sophistication of many systems. But nature, our purest and truest resource, reminds us to be patient. Most plants and trees can take years to produce visible growth.
Get your reps in.
It’s okay if it feels unknown or unfamiliar at first, it’s because it’s new. Keep showing up, over and over again. You’ll learn the roads and feel confident and comfortable on them.
What’s one thing you wish you’d known before you left home?
At a recent book talk someone asked me this question. And it's such a good question to ask. Not just for “before you left home for college?” Or “before you left home to move to a new city?” What about what you wish you’d known “before you left home for your first day of work?” Or simply what you wish you’d known “before you left home today”…
Create a relationship that matters long before it matters
Relationships often create opportunity where there is none. I’ve been writing down one thing I learned every day for more than 10 years and at the heart of many memorable and sometimes life-altering lessons is a relationship or the absence of one.
The Host Can’t Leave the party
It’s about to be a long holiday weekend, which for many of you will include a party or a barbecue or two. Remember, the host can’t leave the party, so here’s a tip for preserving your independence if you are hosting this holiday weekend!
Lessons in work - For the Recent Graduate
Graduation season is one of my favorite times of year. It always reminds me of who I was when I was 21, an eager recent graduate with a head full of dreams for who I would become. As I sit here twelve years later, I can tell you that the role of work in your life is a most excellent teacher. And while there are things you simply have to learn for yourself, here are some important lessons I’ve learned in work that I wish someone had shared with me.
write the book
“Write the Book.” It became more of a mantra than an item on a to-do list. It became something I’d write down for motivation, a reminder that this life is too short to not do the things you’ve always felt called to do and to contribute to this world.
Surround yourself with people who are willing to lift as they climb
You want to work, live, and surround yourself with people who are always working to improve themselves or others for the future, while still giving everything they have to the present. This kind of drive and care for others, it’s contagious.
Two Truths for Each Lie: How I (Finally) Quieted My Inner Critic
Many of the greatest aspects of my life might not exist if I had done any one thing differently. And so, to officially quiet this not-so-kind voice in my head that too often asks "what if?", I made a list. A new spin on two truths and a lie, I wrote down two truths for each of the biggest lies I tell myself.
Make your own “30 Under 30” List
It’s that time of year again… friends are asking for your address to send you a holiday card and Forbes just announced their 2022 30 Under 30 List. Both of these events can make you feel like you are behind or that you haven’t “made it” yet. But that’s not true, so hang in there and hang on.
No one warns you about the feelings of your late twenties
Trying not to disappoint your twenty-one-year-old self while also making decisions that your forty-year-old self can live with is a heavy weight to carry. At this age you might find yourself thinking about who you were, who you are and who you want to be all at the same time.