“people are often not as big as you assume” and other lessons on leaving a job.

I vividly remember the day I gave notice at all of my jobs. Yes, it is a monumental thing, especially the first time you leave a job. Particularly because you were so grateful to have that job but now you’ve found something that’s better for you, whether that be that it’s better aligned with your passion, or provides a better quality of life or maybe it simply pays more or allows you to work from home. Whatever it may be, I promise I know it’s a big deal. But here’s something else I know, in our twenties, we make it a bigger deal than it actually is! Once you’ve left a job before or you become a manager who has an employee give notice, you’ll know what I mean. Sure there will be growing pains on both sides, it might be hard for a week (or a few) but everyone eventually moves on and lives on. I fully believe in leaving graciously whenever possible and maintaining relationships, especially with managers or mentors you admire, but as Joe Fox says over and over again in You’ve Got Mail, “It isn’t personal, it’s business.” and that’s hard to understand in your twenties because so much of who you are is tied up in your work identity and that first job is the only work identity you’ve had so far. But it’s business and leaving a job is actually less daunting than we make it out to be.

So here are some lessons to keep in mind when you are leaving a job, from someone who has been there a time or two (or five):

• “People are often not as big as you assume.”

  When starting any new job there is a healthy dose of humility you should bring with you. No one wants to meet a know-it-all on their first day. But also, don’t assume that the leadership team or the C-level teammates are unavailable to you. Don’t assume that anyone is a big deal or at their pinnacle. I worked at one of the world’s largest athletic brands and when I arrived I acted as though everyone deserved had more of a right to be there than me or that everyone was in it for the long haul because I thought I wanted to be at the time. Remember, it’s more likely that everyone is at a small stop on their journey than it is that they’ve reached their peak or final work destination.
  
  

• “Don’t ask too many people for their opinion, if you do, you’l lose your own.”
  
  

• “Make career decisions based on what’s right for you, not what’s right for other people.”
  The people you work with are important. I’ve encountered big decisions about leaving a job or taking on a new role, and typically the first thing that comes to mind is the people. Either being sad about the ones you are leaving behind or curious about the ones you will be joining. It can be hard to separate yourself from others when it comes to decisions about your role, because they can be so intertwined, but it must be done. Things are often in motion that we are completely unaware of, decisions about promotions, departures, reorganizations. On any given day, your boss could leave the company or a coworker could be let go and then you might find yourself wishing you’d done something differently. When deciding whether to stay in a role or take a new one, make the best decision for your current and future self, independent of other people.
  
  

• “Meet the people you will actually be working with before you commit to working with them.”
  Gone are the days of arranged marriages for most cultures, so why should arranged employment be any different? Statistics show we’ll spend a third of our lives working, and since we spend more time with the people we work with than we do with the people we live with each day, we should choose these people with the same care we would exert in choosing a life partner.

  I once accepted a job without having met anyone except the CEO of the organization. In hindsight, I truly cannot believe I did this. There’s a longer story here, check out page 113 in Don’t Wear Shoes You Can’t Walk In for more. But in summary, meet the people you’ll be working with. It gives you a more intimate understanding of the culture, a glimpse into the future goals and past experience of your peers, an opportunity to ask about the leadership, and if nothing else, maybe someone to grab lunch with on your first day.
  
  

• “At some point everyone is scared shitless, it’s just a matter of who hides it best.”

  Remember we’re all just works in progress.