I wrote down one thing I learned every day for 10 years. And I’m still writing…
“people are often not as big as you assume” and other lessons on leaving a job.
Joe Fox says it over and over again in You’ve Got Mail, “It isn’t personal, it’s business.” and that’s hard to understand in your twenties because so much of who you are is tied up in your work identity and that first job is the only work identity you’ve had so far. But it’s business and leaving a job is actually less daunting than we make it out to be in our twenties. So here are some lessons to keep in mind when you are leaving a job, from someone who has been there a time or two (or five).
Try it on! What if you’ve changed?
Sometimes things aren’t always as they seem. Sometimes it takes longer than you think for things to happen and sometimes you’ve simply changed. And this applies to wearing bright colors or bold patterns, but it also applies to the things you are considering adding to your daily life and routines. Don’t limit yourself to what you’ve been. Yes, you should know yourself better than anyone else, but we’re always evolving, so give new things a try.
Rhythm Takes Time.
It’s a pattern, one of repetition or recurrence. It’s not just one or two of something. It’s many notes and more often than not, many notes repeated to find the right tune, one that feels good and sounds good.
Go to Book club, even if you didn’t read the book.
I went to a book club last night, it was pouring rain and I didn’t even read the book. My shoes were still wet this morning. A new metaphor for what remains or sticks with us after we’ve weathered the storm. And in this case, I was reminded of an extreme gratitude that I showed up.
You’ll know when things are good, your days will go by too quickly.
“I keep wanting to know the answer, when living the question might be the entire point.” Does this remind you of summer at all? It’s June. I saw my first firefly of the season last weekend, the hydrangeas are blooming and the sun sets so late. The part we don’t always see, is that the things we are delighting in have been working all year (or years) for this!
10 Things I Learned About Love In My Twenties
“You can’t change the shape of a piece to force it into your puzzle.” is one of the most important lessons I learned about love in my twenties. It’s a period of time where casual dating feels like a rite of passage and I could often be heard saying aloud, “It doesn’t have to mean anything, it just has to teach us something.” “It doesn’t have to mean anything, it just has to teach us something.” It taught me a lot, here are 10 things I learned about love in my 20s.
Transformation Takes Time
For the remainder of your October, a few lessons on transition and transformation. Those leaves you’ve been admiring over the last few days, that have only suddenly evolved and caught your eye, those trees had it in them all year long. And you do too! Transformation takes time.
Imagine Yourself One Day From Now
Here’s something I learned on a trip a couple of years ago, when you are in the moment of panic, try to imagine how you might feel one day from now. Or if that’s too ambitious, maybe even a few hours from where you are. Picture yourself on the other side of the activity, the other side of the attack.
Never Stop Learning
You might not be taking a “First Day” photo again anytime soon, at least not sincerely, but that doesn’t mean the firsts have stopped and don’t let the learning stop either. You can just let things happen to you or you can make your days more productive and more useful by looking for the lesson.
Here are a handful of my favorite lessons from my very first journal and the beginning of my journaling practice. My first season of adult “firsts” if you will.
If You want more mail, send more mail
One day I realized that if I want to receive more mail, I should send more mail. In addition to birthday cards I always send, I now send notes for no reason too, and I am always excited to see a response. This taught me to put more of what I want out of the world, into the world. And it goes for more than just mail. If you want more compassion and grace, send more compassion and grace. If you want more love, send more love, and on and on it goes.
You can see Flurries and Petals at the same time
It’s that time of year… when you aren’t sure if the white specks blowing past you in the cold wind are snow flurries or petals from blossoms that bloomed too soon. An appreciation for this month or this season is really an appreciation for transition. In time, we’ll be certain they are petals and not snowflakes, but until then, they can be whichever one we need them to be right now.
Don’t Go Looking for Love, Go Looking for Things You Love To Do
Whether you are just married or don’t ever plan to be, or you are tired of swiping left and looking for a partner left and right, the “Love” chapter of Don’t Wear Shoes You Can’t Walk In highlights that at all stages, action—chasing, changing, losing, pursuing, and choosing—is necessary for love. So let your first action be that you are getting busy doing something you love to do.
Things aren’t the same because you aren’t the same
Every next stage of our lives requires us to grow and bring an advanced, different version of ourselves to the table. If things aren’t coming to use as easily as they used to, take a moment to look inward instead of just outward. It’s possible things aren’t the same, because you aren’t the same either.
We Can’t Resuscitate Ourselves
I’ve been engrossed in the Damar Hamlin story for the last week. It occurred to me that it’s possible this story has captivated me because it exposes that we can’t always be resilient and self-reliant. We’re often guilty of trying to do it all by ourselves or even to save ourselves. We can do a lot of things for ourselves, but this story reminds us that there are situations where we can’t pick ourselves back up.
Go To The Sunny Side
There’s a time of year where without even noticing it, we suddenly switch from seeking shade to seeking sun. Our respite now found in warmth instead of cool. Going to the sunny side is a choice we make. And it’s a choice we can make in our minds too.
It can take years to bear fruit.
We are a generation that expects immediate results, thanks to one-day shipping, rapid results, online results and the advancement and sophistication of many systems. But nature, our purest and truest resource, reminds us to be patient. Most plants and trees can take years to produce visible growth.
Get your reps in.
It’s okay if it feels unknown or unfamiliar at first, it’s because it’s new. Keep showing up, over and over again. You’ll learn the roads and feel confident and comfortable on them.
Summer is a mindset
Summer is a mindset. Not just a season. A swim in the river, a new wine with an old friend, staying up late. All of these things are summer, but they are also a mental shift in breaking routine, letting go and prioritizing pleasure, a shift that we can make anytime.
What’s one thing you wish you’d known before you left home?
At a recent book talk someone asked me this question. And it's such a good question to ask. Not just for “before you left home for college?” Or “before you left home to move to a new city?” What about what you wish you’d known “before you left home for your first day of work?” Or simply what you wish you’d known “before you left home today”…
Create a relationship that matters long before it matters
Relationships often create opportunity where there is none. I’ve been writing down one thing I learned every day for more than 10 years and at the heart of many memorable and sometimes life-altering lessons is a relationship or the absence of one.