Two Truths for Each Lie: How I (Finally) Quieted My Inner Critic

“I think I’m going to quit.” It’s a line I’ve said aloud more than I’d like to admit as I definitely don’t consider myself a quitter, nor would I like to be known as one.  I’ve been writing and publishing a book and it seems that anytime it’s gotten hard, my first instinct is to abandon the ship and quite literally stop the press, I imagine I’m not the only one who feels this during the creative process.

“You can’t control adversity, but you can handle how you react to it?” It’s a quote my dad reminded me of during one of my struggles, he continued to say “You should react by doing what will make you happy. Will quitting make you happy?” 

It’s an important question you should ask yourself anytime you think about stopping, leaving or pivoting to something new. “Will quitting make me happy?” The answer for me was a definite no. Publishing this book I’ve been working on, while difficult, will make me much happier than always wondering what could have become of it.

This idea of quitting is particularly personal for me as I often feel like I’ve left things too soon. I often mourn the loss of jobs I enjoyed, a city I loved, mentor relationships that I could have done a better job nurturing. I have this not-so-kind voice in my head that tells me I stopped short or left too early and then wonders what might have been. But the thing I’m realizing about “what ifs” is they work both ways. Anytime we ask “What if I’d stayed in that job longer?” or “What if I hadn’t moved for this relationship?” An entirely new set of “what ifs” enters the playing field. If we had done one “what if” slightly differently it would have created other “what ifs”. The choices we’ve made led us to where we are and if we look closely at them, they can show us what we’re focused on or what we prioritize.

I’m able to step outside this negative self-talk sometimes and remind myself that many of the greatest aspects of my life might not exist if I had done any one thing differently. And so, to officially quiet this not-so-kind voice, I made a list. A new spin on two truths and a lie, I wrote down two truths for each of the biggest lies I tell myself. The list in my journal, that might one day become a small placard for my desk too, looks like this:

2013:
Lie: I should have stayed in advertising so I could have years of credible expertise by now. 

Truth #1: I left my first job to find professional purpose that intersected with my personal interests.

Truth #2: I found it at my next job at a sports-focused non-profit, which changed the trajectory of my career. 

2014:
Lie: I wish I had never left Atlanta.

Truth #1: I left Atlanta, a city I loved, for a person I loved. I had to see what our future might hold.

Truth #2 : I’ve found a lifetime of love and happiness, we’ve been married for almost 6 years now and we have a 2-year-old daughter.

2017:
Lie: I left my dream job at a global sports brand too soon.

Truth #1: I left my job to find sustainability at home and personal legacy.

Truth #2: I created both by building my own business that supports non-profits and small businesses doing good. Working for myself allowed me to work remotely which drastically improved my mental and physical health.

2020:
Lie: I abandoned my business and it won’t ever be the same.

Truth #1: I had a baby and an unexpected long recovery (and then a pandemic happened shortly after).

Truth #2: I never left, it’s just on pause. I’ve found the inner peace that it’s perfectly acceptable to slow down or take a break.

2021:
Lie: I should quit the publishing process, I’m not cut out for this.

 Truth #1: I found the wisdom to take note of what shuts me down and use it to improve myself and my process.

Truth #2: This list is proof that I’m not a quitter and the voice inside my head is only trying to tell me lies of doubt and inadequacy.

For you it might not be a list to squelch the lies, it might be a list of accomplishments to quiet doubt or a checklist of tangible progress you’ve made toward a particular goal. But I encourage you to make your own list. Write it down, so you can’t forget it and put it somewhere you can easily access it. The next time that not-so-kind voice inside starts lying to you and bringing you down, you can be your own encourager with the sound reminder of the intention of your acts and choices, the encouragement of your unique truth.